It’s great to see Australia riding high once more. It feels right. Look at the state of Super Rugby right now.
The Waratahs and the Reds are undefeated despite having to negotiate the challenge of the bye, the Western Force are also undefeated – in fact they are twice as undefeated as the Waratahs and Reds – and as for the Brumbies: well, the Brumbies are so strong they actually ran the invincible Force to within three points. Amazing achievement in anyone’s book.
Yes, it is wonderful to see Australia in its rightful place as the best rugby nation on the planet. But to every silver lining there must be a cloud, and with the news that Len Ikitau has signed for Exeter, the old problem has reared its ugly head: the drain of top Australian players to overseas clubs.
It’s been an issue for a while now, of course: there are now more Australian locks in France than beret factories, and Japan has long been the destination of choice for Wallabies who have grown jaded with international rugby and are seeking fresh and easier challenges. But it is a problem, and a seemingly intractable one: when Australian rugby is weak, players flock overseas because who wants to stay home and lose? When Australian rugby is strong, players will still flock overseas, because clubs will see how strong it is and think, “we want a piece of that”. Which will make Australian rugby weak again, causing players to flock overseas because…
You see the problem.
Len Ikitau is off to England next season. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)
So how can Australia consolidate its position? The last two weeks have undoubtedly been a golden age, but if we Australian fans want more than two weeks of happiness – which I concede is pretty greedy of us – we have to find a way to bed down the gains and prevent future losses. Put simply, how are we going to convince Australian rugby players that staying here is a better option than leaving the country for more money?
It’s no easy task, persuading a man that his life wouldn’t be better if he were much richer and lived in Paris, but it has to be done. Rugby Australia needs to act now to formulate a plan to retain its best talent.
Now there is no point basing this on financial inducements: we already know RA is broke, thanks to 80% of its budget for the next ten years already being earmarked for Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii’s house extensions. The money is simply not there to outbid foreign buyers.
Likewise, RA can’t depend on keeping talent at home by promising them the honour of representing their country. If that worked, we wouldn’t have the problem in the first place. Maybe the honour of a gold jersey would be sufficient inducement if that jersey didn’t come with an ironclad guarantee of extremely depressing trips to South Africa, being bullied by New Zealanders, and regularly having large cohorts of internet users smearing your character in public. If Australia got to play Wales and Georgia ten times a year it might be enough, but such is very much not the case.
You could spruik the joys of representing a Super Rugby franchise, I suppose, but…I mean…you know. Even when the franchises are flying high, as they are now, the percentage of players who are willing to accept a massive pay cut for the sake of stardom on Stan is vanishingly low.
So we’ve got to look at other ways and means. I propose Phil Waugh move immediately to implement a Player Retention Plan, based around an appeal to other factors to convince our stars that staying home is in their interests. This means referencing things such as:
The Weather. Australia has a great climate when it’s not literally on fire. Certainly we outdo both France and England when it comes to sunshine. I don’t know what the weather is like in Japan, but I saw a video once and those monkeys looked like they were freezing. RA needs to send the message, “Play in Australia: you won’t need a parka”.
The Company. Australian people are the nicest, friendliest and most laidback in the world, as proven by such famous Australians as Hamish Blake, Bob Hawke and Germaine Greer. We know that people in other countries are nowhere near as loveable as we are, and so any rugby player joining a foreign club will be forgoing wonderful company for filthy lucre. The English are cold and repressed; the French are rude and arrogant; the Japanese are lovely, but their rugby clubs are full of New Zealanders, and who wants to hang around them? Let’s hammer this home, Mr Waugh!
The Food. Australia has a world-leading thriving food scene, with the fusion of cuisines from around the world providing a cornucopia of delicious dining options to please any palate. Our version of MasterChef is the best one, too. Not to be sneezed at.
The Economy. Australia has a booming mining industry and increasingly strong financial services sector, not to mention the skyrocketing real estate market. Admittedly a player going overseas for a few years to play rugby doesn’t exactly prevent him from taking advantage of these things, but there’s no doubt living elsewhere won’t give them the same sense of pride in our economic performance that living here gives us all.
Recreational Opportunities. Let’s be honest. There is only one country in which you can visit the Big Banana, or indeed the Big Pineapple or the Big Merino. There is only one country in which you can climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge. There is only one country in which you can go to see Anthony Callea and Tim Campbell sing the songs of Elton John and George Michael at Rooty Hill RSL, the Vegas of the West. It’s not England or France or Japan. It’s right damn well here in God’s Own Country. Leave here, rugby stars, and you’re robbing yourself of all this. Is it worth it? I think not.
The point, you will see, is to emphasise the lifestyle benefits of playing rugby in Australia. We need to say to players: it may not be the most lucrative place to play, it may not be the place where you’re most likely to win trophies. But it is definitely the place to be if you want to sunbathe, experience the best in modern cooking, or enjoy a nice trivia night. And you can’t put a price on that, now can you?
